Year One

So, this was supposed to be a blog about Olin and the chronicle of his new life. Well, that didn't happen! Oopsie. I like to think that I have all the time in the world that I used too, but I really don't. And unlike my lovely sister, after being on the computer for 8 hrs (sometimes longer) at work, the last thing I wanna do when I get home is sit in front of the computer.

So Olin is now 4 mos away from turning 2 yrs old. His first birthday came and went. We kept it simple. It was only about 30 guests, all family. We served fettuccine Alfredo and other finger foods that people brought. Olin was oblivious to what the occasion was and all he cared about was Mickey Mouse. He enjoyed the cake and ran around until he couldn’t anymore. After he went to sleep the adults stayed up, just as any typical “Hispanic” family. Kid’s party by day, adult’s party by night.

The first year has been interesting. I’m learning how to be a Mommy. Some things come natural, it’s that mother instinct everyone talks about I guess. But there are challenges. I as I’ve mentioned before, wasn’t exactly the person anyone expected to have kids. I was selfish and concerned only about me and what I had to do to get by. I could wander from friend’s house to friend’s house w/o a care in the world. I lived with extra clothes in my car in case I stayed anywhere and needed it, now I have toys, sippy cups, and extra clothes for Olin all over the place. My overnight bag consist of extra what nots for him. Ah, how life changes.

I’ve faced plenty of challenges in this first year. And it’s only been a year!! The main challenge I’ve had is patience. I don’t have any! And with kids, that is the MAIN ingredient. The sleepless nights, the colds, the fussiness, the fits … they can all become TOO much if you aren’t patient. I love my little man more than life itself, but not being able to be patient with him only frustrates both him and me more. It’s just not good. So how do I deal? Sometimes I don’t and as he yells, I yell back. NOT GOOD!! I don’t mean it and after the fact I feel like the biggest pile of dog $--- ever. And because of that sometimes I feel like God really didn’t make me up for this. I just see other moms and think goodness; I shouldn’t and will never be what they are. There are just moms who do it all. Cook, clean, wash, shop, PTA, soccer practice, homework, projects, knit, yoga, and then some … I just don’t know where they find the energy. I work an 8 hr day and sit in traffic about 4 hrs a day; by the time I reach home I am ready to end the day!

My second challenge this year, how do you become a good Mom and Wife? Because even though my relationship has been off and on from the beginning, the biggest challenge for it after Olin has been balancing a baby and a relationship. Sharing time and attention with two boys can be a huge mess. Sometimes I sit and think, I love my son more than I do any relationship I’ll ever have so focus on him, but that’s just not a good way to look at it if I really want our family to be whole. Our relationship issues shouldn’t be part of raising our son, but they do become it sometimes. Olin sees/hears our fights. He knows when there’s anger in our voices and he knows when there’s sadness in our hearts. Rafa’s said this time and time again; especially recently, WE have to be happy in order to make HIM happy. And when he says WE it’s as in with each other and with ourselves.

I’ve lost a lot of me in the midst of the past 2 ½ years. I am trying to work on all that to be who I need to be for my family; otherwise, I could lose it all. As I rebuild myself, hopefully I can continue to share with everyone and even get some advice from those “wonder woman Moms” out there who have everything “under control!”

Until next time…